Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Little Noah



This blog has always been a way for me to record our life and to share things, big and small, with people that we love. This is certainly a more serious and difficult post to write, but definitely an important one and also an opportunity to say that I certainly feel loved at this time...by my Heavenly Father, family, and friends. I am completely overwhelmed by the kind, loving, and thoughtful people that I have in my life.

Last Thursday I got back from a 3 week stay in Utah with family. Nate had been doing another away rotation, this one at Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas during that time. My last few days in Utah I had become concerned because I hadn't been feeling the baby move. I was coming up on 25 weeks, and it was somewhat early on in the pregnancy to be feeling consistent movement so I wasn't overly worried, but it definitely weighed on my mind. I prayed hard one day to just feel one really good kick so I could know things were okay, but just never felt anything I KNEW was the baby. I arrived home in Ohio fine and had an absolutely wonderful weekend with Kami (who had flown home with me) watching General Conference and shopping and eating and making things. Nate came home that weekend too...finally finished with those two away rotations. Kami left on Sunday afternoon, and Sunday evening things really kind of fell apart for me emotionally. Nate was putting the kids to bed and I just laid on the floor downstairs and tried so hard to feel the baby. I told Nate that I was really getting worried and we spent a good part of that night crying, praying, trying to feel the baby, holding each other, etc. I did call my doctor that night but she told me movement at that stage in pregnancy is really unreliable and that things were probably just fine and to just come in the next morning for my scheduled appointment. Although it turned out things were NOT fine, I was actually grateful for her words because I slept well that night and was not beside myself with worry.

At my appointment the next morning she was unable to find a heartbeat and unable to see one on an ultrasound. We came to the hospital a couple hours later and began the long process of getting ready to give birth to our little guy. After hours and hours of waiting for my body to be more ready to have the baby, he was delivered around 2:30 am. There was period of time right before he was born that things were a little hectic...the anesthesiologist was having a difficult time placing the epidural and then it was kinked...and this is all happening basically as I am feeling the extreme urge to push. I delivered him quickly after those painful moments, so no epidural for the actual birth but it kicked in soon after. NOT what I had planned on, but it's over now thank goodness. We really switched gears in our minds as we chose a name and have decided on Noah Roy Nye. We chose Noah because of its meaning, which is comfort, rest, and peace. Roy is Nate's paternal grandfather who Nate has always greatly loved and respected. We both held our little 13 inch, 1 1/2 lb boy for a few minutes.

Nate and I have always had everything a couple could ask for in the years we have been married and continue to feel so blessed even during hard times like this. I loved watching the video I posted above during my stay at the hospital because so many of you have been showing the love that President Monson talks about and I hope over the years we can do the same for you and others we come in contact with.

46 comments:

Cassidy said...

Hey. I am really sorry to hear this. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I love you so much. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Melanie Hoopes said...

My heart goes out to you Jessica - I worry almost daily about something like that happening. All I can say is I know that Noah is watching over you and your family, and will be until you see him again. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your amazing!!

Kara said...

Oh, Jessica, we have been thinking about you two and praying for you. I talked to kiki earlier today and was so impressed by your strength. I definitely have a lot to learn from you. We miss you guys and hope the hard part will pass quickly...

Heather said...

Our hearts are with you as well. I never know what to say in situations like these. But I am here for you whenever and however you need me.

We love you and are keeping you in our prayers.

Melinda said...

Jess, we love you guys. We were really sorry to hear about this. I've missed you while you've been away and Primary just hasn't been the same. We admire your strength and love your little family. Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

Adespain said...

Jessica, you are an amazing person. I'm grateful that I've been able to get to know you. I am so sorry about little Noah.

You are in our prayers.

Shane's Angie said...

My Cola. I can't help but mourn along with you with the loss of that precious little Noah. There are a lot of cliche things I could say right now, but they all seem insufficient. I do know for sure that you are loved so very much by all of the Lollies and that your Heavenly Father is so very proud of you and your amazing qualities as a mother. I've been blessed to watch and learn from you (sheesh, a little late! Where were you a decade ago?!) and I'm so very impressed with who you are and what you've accomplished. Give Nate my love, as I know that sometimes daddy's get overlooked during hard times like these. Tell him we are thinking of him too. Love you Cola.

Leavitt Family said...

My Cola, I love you and have prayed hard for you. I have not called you because I remember how I felt, I did not want to talk about it. You may feel different so please feel free to call me anytime. I can't make the pain go away but I can promise that Heavenly can and will! When I think of my baby Faith I do so now only with joy in my heart, because I know that Heavenly Father loves me and my family, and if it is his will I will be with her someday. I love you so much my Cola. I am so sorry for your heartache, you have so much love coming you way from little Orem

J & M Squared said...

Jess-You are loved so much. You are one of the best people I know. I am so grateful to know you! My heart is definitely with you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I'll check in with you in a few days. Love you

cheeks said...

Thank you for this video.....your strength is amazing to me. I'm sorry for this hard time you are going through. We will keep your family in our prayers.
-jami

Monica said...

Oh, Jess. What a beautiful post. I too am so amazed by your strength and your great faith. You have constantly been on my mind over these past couple of days and you and your sweet family are constantly in our prayers. Thanks for sharing this post! We love you guys!

Annie said...

What a beautiful name. I miss you, love you and am thinking of you constantly. I just can't help but think of this too perfect little Noah that needed to be with Heavenly Father. I can't wait to see you and your cute kids.

Lori said...

Jess,
I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know you're an amazing girl, who has great faith. Stick with the Lord, only He knows how to truly heal. Much Love,
Lori

And Thank you for the video, you've uplifted me.

Bethany said...

Oh, dear Nye family. We are SO sorry for your loss. So sorry that things have to be hard. :(

We'll pray for your comfort and strength.

(And Noah is a lovely name, by the way.)

TravisandTaryn Barrett said...

We are really sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine the hurt you're going through right now, but remember the Lord has a plan for you and your family. We will keep you in our prayers.

Joni said...

Jessica and Nate we are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Kenj and Nate said...

Jessica I am so sorry to hear this happened, My sweet cousin Amy had this happen not to long ago at the exact stage, so hard I can't even imagine, you strength is amazing to me. Hope all is well. Wish I could have been up to see you while you were in Utah...Maybe next time, you our in our prayers!

kiki comin said...

so of course, even in hard times, here you are uplifting and reaching out still. i love you, and WE love you guys more than you will ever know. your little kidlets..all of them..are too lucky to have you two as parents.

Traci said...

So sorry to hear about your loss I hope and pray that the Holy Ghost will be there to comfort you and Nate thru this difficult time! You are very lucky to have held one of Gods most precious gifts who just needed a body that you and Nate where able to give him. May you feel the warmth of the many loving arms that want to be wrapped around you at this time!

Amanda said...

Our hearts and prayers are with you. We love you and wish you comfort.

Meggin said...

I don't even know what to say except my heart is just breaking for you. I am so sorry that this happened to your little family. You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers!

Mark Seethaler said...

So touched by your account, your faith, and your LOVE - for one another and for life, here and hereafter. This loss links you to the eternities far sooner than most. May faith in our Savior not only sustain you, but actually lift you to a a view that few experience. Heavens blessings to you now and forever.
Love,
Mark & Kristen Seethaler

Kandice, Paul & Girls said...

What amazing people you guys are! I'm sorry for this difficult time. Thank you for your example, strength and testimony. We are praying for your family.

Love,
Allen's

Phil said...

You two are some of the most amazing people. Keep praying and things will get better. I too am praying everyday for you two.

Manon Seethaler said...

I dont even know what to say other than I am so sorry. Our family will have you in our prayers. Best of luck.

Laurie said...

We're so, so sorry for your loss and have shed tears for your pain. You've been in our prayers and will continue to be. Your faith is so impressive--we've always been so impressed by you both.
love,
laurie & curtis andrews

Camp Chris said...

Jess- I love you. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.....

Mandy Stewart Lauret said...

Jessica and Nate, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and we are always here if there is anything you need.

Sarah Lunt said...

Jessica,

I was shocked when I heard the news. I adore your family and am so sad that you have to go through this. Your family is in our prayers. May the Lord give you strength you didn't know you had...actually it sounds like He already has.

Much love and hugs,

Sarah

Kami said...

Wowzers! I've never seen so many blog comments on a post before! Just wanted to tell you that I love you and that my thoughts and prayers are with you! BFF! And smashed cats forever!

Jessi said...

I'm so so heartbroken for you guys!! I am so sorry. I was so sad I didn't get to see you while you were here. But please know my prayers will be with you and Nate during this time. I love you Jess!!

Noelle said...

We were shocked when we heard the news earlier this week and truthfully I haven't stopped thinking about your family and your sweet baby boy ever since. I know that this may be one of the most difficult things you have and will be asked to face but I have to say after reading this post that you are miles ahead of where I would expect you to be at this point. You are both so strong and filled with faith and I know you will make it through. We have shed tears for you and have (and will continue to) kept you in our prayers during this difficult trial. We love you guys and please know accept our deepest sympathies :)

Laraine said...

Jessica, you and Nate are an amazing couple. You are a great example to all of us who read your blog. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. We love you.

candice said...

I am so sorry Jessica. You are so sweet and have always been so kind to me. You have always shown love like that video says. I am so grateful for your example to me. We are keeping you in our prayers and know that the Lord will be there to help you through this time.

Kent and Leisy said...

jess- love you lots!!

The Andersons said...

Jessica and Nate, you are in our prayers and thoughts. Please, please, please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything for you.

megandjon said...

What a lovely post. I mailed you guys a card yesterday because I was feeling like I couldn't say what I really wanted to say via any kind of technology :). I hope you get it soon and I hope when you open it you can feel just how much we love you guys and I also hope you can read my handwriting...

I've just been praying my little heart out for you and I know Heavely Father is watching over you all.

Anne said...

Jess,

We're so sorry to hear of your loss.

Your post made me cry, mostly from sadness, but part from happiness about the peace the gospel can bring during times like this.

Scott happened to talk to Nate near the end of last week and so we've been praying for your family since that conversation. We'll continue to do so, as I'm sure the healing process will be tough. We'd love to have Jansen and Natalie over to play anytime, if you need some time alone or just with Nate to recuperate.

Noah is a beautiful name.

-Anne

Sara said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know why I was so emotional but I broke out in tears when I heard what happened. You have always been such a sweetheart and I am sorry that you have had to go through this. What a sweet husband to figure out how to sew that little outfit. Your family is in our prayers. Take care.

Leah Young said...

We have been thinking about you guys so much and praying for you. It's hard to know just what the right thing to do is when someone endures such a tremendous loss. You are so strong and full of faith. Noah is a wonderful name. I will call you soon.

Christine Kimball said...

Jessica,
I'm so sorry for what your family has to go through right now. Heavenly Father knows that you can do this and will be there to help you..... but I know you already know that :)

R said...

Hey Jess
Of course words are a bit inadequate, but I hope you know how much we care about you. I truly value you as a friend, example of motherhood, hard work, and Jesus Christ. I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could be there to help with anything you need.
I can only pray for your strength and comfort and have faith that our prayers are answered.
Love you
Rachel

Todd and Ashley said...

No words will make it all better but know that you guys are in our prayers also. If you need anything please let us know.

Angie said...

Wow, Jessica. I am sorry to hear about little Noah. My sister's quadruplets were all born at about 24 weeks. I got to hold two of them before they passed away in the arms of their parents. It was hard. There truly is a spirit in those little bodies, and I am sure you will get to hold your little spirit again someday.

Nate and Shannon Smith said...

Oh Jess...My heart hurts to read this blog. I am glad that you have each other and the gospel at this time in your lives. Our prayers are with you. What a great moment it will be when you meet your little Noah again. love ya!

Kyle and Janel said...

Jess I am so sorry!! What a blessing the gospel is in our lives and especially wonderful words from our prophet! Love you!!