Sunday, September 7, 2008

Terrible Twos Becomes Even More Terrible Threes?

I don't know about anyone else, but Jansen turning three was certainly not my magic ticket to an obedient child. We have been struggling with Jansen quite a bit lately, so I am turning to my fellow bloggers for some help. I am absolutely not writing this to be told that I AM doing a wonderful job and that I AM a great mom. So don't even think about commenting about that. :) In those moments when he is being very disobedient I get sooooo frustrated and it all feels so hopeless. Hopeless that he will improve anyway. We are having MAJOR sharing issues, I feel like I am dragging him to use the toilet every time every day (sticker charts aren't working), begging him to get dressed, he is SO particular about going down the stairs first, etc. and how everything in general is done, blah blah blah. I guess my biggest question is: what is your best discipline technique? I like to use the 1...2...3... and if he isn't doing what has been asked he has a timeout...but timeout in his room doesn't seem like a punishment anymore. He is ALWAYS grabbing things out of Natalie's hands and that is a huge problem I would like to solve. And whining...do I ignore, punish, etc. I am all for distracting and making things into games, etc. but there comes a time when that just wears me out and I need a dependable way to make him stop an undesirable behavior. I would love all and any help. Email me (nye.jessica@gmail.com) or leave a comment...I will be forever in debt to you!

14 comments:

Annie said...

I just got back from a two week vacation full of whining, not sharing, screaming, crying and a little more of all of the above. I keep wondering when it gets easier. You think that as they get older they should grow out of the whine, but that is just not happening. I wish I had advice. The one thing that works for me is if I motivate her for things before hand. Like when we go to the store, "Are we going to sit in the cart the whole time? If we don't what will happen? Do you want to pick a cereal? Then no whining." But I know you already do that, so if anyone sends you any genius advice, please pass it along.

Anonymous said...

I am reading this to grandma travis and she says: Don't sweat the small stuff. you had more energy than 20 children and were smarter than us too, so sorry that is what she said. you turned out ok.

Anonymous said...

Now I will say that I honestly can't remember what I did to keep you guys in line. But now that I am training a dog, it seems that it is best to ignore the bad behavior and really make a big deal of the good behavior. Works for the dog!

kiki comin said...

the older he gets, the better it will be!:) really, 3 1/2 was so much better than 3, and 4..even better.i do love your grandma's advice though...you were like that and you turned out great!:)

Meg said...

You know that I am NOT a mom myself but babysitting and nannying other peoples kids you see what works in home and what doesn't work. I will tell you that when I am a MOM I will practice the techniques that are founded in the Love and Logic series. Go to the library and get the book.. you will feel FREE!

megandjon said...

i also have no actual experience with this, except maybe for some time in daycare jobs, but i recently read The Happiest Toddler on the Block and was pretty intrigued by the author's ideas. You can see small videos of his theory on the website (just google the title)then you could see if you were at all interested.

i also have some friends who swear by Love and Logic, however i have not read them. but its probably pretty frustrating to be told to read an entire book when you probably don't have time!

oh, and maybe its time to change his timeout spot? like a chair or a corner (not facing the corner, but just sitting there) or a certain stair thats a lot more boring than his room?

last but not least, and totally opposite than the last; i have a cousin who will just sit down and hug a misbehaving child. i don't know if that would work for you, or even if it will for me,to be honest, but it seems to work pretty well for her!

Leisel said...

Andrew laughed when I got this book...it's from 1983 and written by an LDS author. Discipline by Dr. Alvin Price and Jay A. Parry. It's got a good index with quick reads that might be helpful. You can get it on Amazon for $.01 plus shipping. Copy and paste the link below for Amazon. The one thing I remember my mom doing about whining. She would point out right away was our tone of voice. We always had to talk like a "big girl" or "in a calm voice" (or whatever made sense to us at that age). Only after we changed our voice would she address our problem. If we didn't change, she would just ignore us. Anyway, this book is pretty good:
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Alvin-Price/dp/0911641017/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220881225&sr=1-8

Traci said...

Ana did and does the same thing, its just a phase ride it thru. You'll have weeks when he is so obediant and weeks he has cloth ears. Keep up the time outs and don't make empty threats. Also Time out can be anywhere, most times I use Ana's bed, but I have to get after her for playing with her toys so sometimes time out is on the floor next to me while I do dishes or laundry. Good luck!!!

Brian, Jami, Paige, and Austin said...

Jessica, we've been having the same problem with Paige recently. Brian and I decided that every time Paige would back-talk us, be mean to Austin, or throw a tantrum, we would take one of her toys and put it in a garbage bag. We told her that if the bag it full of "time-out toys" then we will take the bag to another boy or girl who are nice to his/her mommy and daddy and who listens. It's worked pretty well, as long as we're consistent. She can redeem the toys, though, if we catch her doing something good. Good luck with it all and if you find something that works for you, let me know. I'm always looking for good ideas, also!!

Kent and Leisy said...

spank him. :)

Annie said...

I think it is just classic that right after we discuss the joys our children have been to us lately that they do what they did at play group yesterday. What are we going to do with these two!? It's a good thing they are cute...

Tres Family said...

Jess, let me begin by saying I feel your pain. Kaylee has been in the terrible 2 phase starting at 18 months and she is not slowing down, let me end by saying calling Super Nanny is looking pretty tempting to me!!

stevenellie said...

This sound so familar. I know what has worked for Peter is having his nose on the wall for punishment rather than the time-out chair. Also positive reinforcement has worked for him. My sister in-law used a little a jar that you fill with colored cotton swabs or some other small object to correct her daughter's sharing problem. Everytime she shared she got a swab and everytime she took one was removed. When the jar was filled her daughter got a prize. It really worked for them. I did ask her if she ever got the point when there wasn't a swab to remove and she said it never got the bad. Good luck. My siter has three boys and has been telling me for years that three is the terrible age. So don't feel bad everyone's child goes through this stage. My sister also says fours are awesome. So there is hope. Sometime during the next year he'll become a good little boy.

Heather said...

We do "nose and toes" timeout. Learned it from Emily Johnson - they have to stand on the wall with both nose and toes touching it.

I am a big fan of praising the positive, and the kids do love filling up their marble jar in hopes of reaching the big prize at the end.

But some days I take out a lot more than I put in. Always better to look for the good though.

Good luck. The sweet moments will outweigh the sour.