Well, at the moment, it's going.
This post is more of a journal entry, since recording these things is important and valuable to me. Tonight being a parent is hard. Very hard. Natalie is in her room coughing...which means lots of waking up tonight from her. Jansen is just now calming down from an unprecedented tantrum/scream fest. Moments ago I heard him mutter, "I don't love her at all." He's talking about me...and although I KNOW he doesn't mean it, the stress of the night culminated and I burst into tears. Nate left with little Emmy who has shown us her fussy side the past few days. Hours of unsuccessfully trying to console her tonight got her shipped off the Lowe's with dad for a little bit (his idea). Dinner was some conglomeration of PB sandwiches, pizza, and other leftovers. Family Home Evening was a riot because it was just so crazy. Our opening song was three versions of songs about Natalie's favorite pretend dog Amigo.
I am spent and tired and wanting to fast forward a few months. But that's silly because life will always be hard.
I keep thinking of the phrase "I can do hard things"...a motto that was written on a plate Elaine S. Dalton had in her home. She said if she could change the motto it would read: “In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things.” I believe that. I believe I can do hard things. But I'm sure going to be praying a lot and needing the strength of the Lord. Really hard nights will pass. Even harder ones will come along. And surely sometime in my future there will be an evening spent on a beach sipping a smoothie and oh how I will appreciate it then!
Time to go to sleep. Well, sleep doesn't really exist around here right now. Time to try anyway.
11 comments:
Oh Jess, keepin' it real. I am sorry. I wish I could come watch your kids so you and N could go snag a smoothie somewhere. But I don't know where the closest beach is . . . I really admire you. I never had a really fussy baby, but it would push my patience to the limit.
Just yesterday T and S were screaming at each other and Annie kicked off the table to topple her high chair and I called Rick and begged him to come home so I wouldn't lose more of my cool than was already gone. I'll be thinking of you.
there are tears in my eyes reading this and thinking about residency and third children. maybe I should stop now while we aren't outnumbered!
if you can't have the beach now- at least spoil yourself with as many smoothies as possible now :)
I have always said I think the first three months after a baby is born is the craziest. Between adjustments to having a new little one around, hormones, the grating noise of a screaming baby, sleepless nights and unpredictable schedule, it's all you can do to convince yourself that you indeed ARE holding it all together. But then in a few years you'll wish that just for one minute you could have Emmy be in your arms again and remember what it was like when she was so tiny. I tell you. It messes with your head. I hope you got more sleep than you anticipated.
I'd like to think it does get easier, in some ways. Those first couple of months seem completely exhausting! Hang in there woman!
The quote I like to say when things are going too hard for me is--- "it doesn't get better then this." Then I just have to laugh because life isn't as bad as I thought it was. (but it doesn't work when your husband says it to you for your life, because he just doesn't understand sometimes).
I can commiserate. I have no advice, but I can commiserate.
Sadly, many days, I still feel like my life is like this. I'm telling you, baby number 3 is a wild ride and I still haven't gotten my balance yet.
Good luck. :)
Being as I am a few years ahead of you, let me tell you that there are easier days ahead. These days you are trudging through are very hard. I'm not promising that it will all get easier, because some things get harder, but new babies are just plain exhausting.
Also, let me just tell you, from experience that when you do end up on that beach, sipping the pinapple smoothie, you will be relishing in the moment without diaper bags, schedules, or anyone wanting more Cheerios and you will be SO happy. And then, just when you feel completely free, you will suddenly miss your kids at home something fierce!
Most of all, I want you to remember along with the "I can do hard things", the phrase, "This too shall pass", because it will ;)
Loves and prayers from all of us :)
(OH, I have to tell you that I had a dream last night that I lived in our old home down by 12th west in Orem, and you moved in across the street! It was a great dream, except for the fact that I kept coming over to see Emmy and she was asleep every time! Maybe that means good days of long naps for Emmy are ahead for you!)
All that I can say is.. I know what you are going through. It seems like we have had a million talks about our fussy babies and how we dealt with it, but I still can't believe you are going through this again! Hopefully this is just a little phase that Emmy is going through and the fussiness will pass.
I wish so badly that I lived closer so that I could help you like you did for me when I was in your same shoes. Yesterday, Aiden asked when we were going back to Jansen's house. We all miss you guys.
Thinking of you. Hope that you can get some good rest this week while Nate is home.
looks like another ride out to the nye home is in order. hold on..like everyone else said, these first few months are always the craziest...pretty soon, natalies songs will be about cats, jansen will be smushing you with kisses and emmy will be walking. :)
Can't wait for tomorrow!!! :)
Sorry for the rough night! You'd like to think when the fussy baby leaves, it'll be smooth sailing but it doesn't always work out like that. Hang in there.
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