Made Me Laugh

There aren't many things I enjoy more than laughing or finding something I think is really funny. My cousin sent me these and I just really enjoyed them so I thought I'd share.

Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time…
Ellen DeGeneres

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Jeff Foxworthy

I constantly walk into a room and I don’t remember why. But for some reason, I think there’s going to be a clue in the fridge.
Caroline Rhea

First the doctor told me the good news, I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve martin

At what age do you tell a highway it’s adopted? I think around seven because that’s when they start wondering, hey I don’t look like the Kiwanis Club.
Zack Galifianakis

When I was in London, I went to buy some chocolate. The cashier was like, “That will be ten pounds,” I’m like, “Rub it in, why don’t you?”
Carol Leifer

About a month ago, I got a cactus. And a week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, DANG, I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin

I will clean house when Sears makes vacuum you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips